Old Browneye Face

Has Bert Newton ever possessed any discernible talent? Since I have been aware of his existence, he has done nothing but take nostalgic trips down memory lane into yesteryear, to talk about what other people have done. Ali should have punched his fat face in.

Watermelon Record

There are many Australian traditions, sports etc. which I do not have much time for. Many of them make me cringe. But I heard about one today which is awesome. Queensland man, John Allwood, broke a world record yesterday at the Chinchilla Melon Festival in southern Queensland. He headbutted 40 watermelons in 58 seconds.

Fucking brilliant!!! To John - you sir, are a winner.

banal

If anyone is aware of a more pointless and mundane statement than "have a safe flight", I would like to know what it is?

WeekEnd in Vegas

I have just returned for a weekend to the city I grew up in. This time I found the most distressing. I can deal with the encounters with family that we all endure & sometimes enjoy, the precious little time spent with old friends was great (sorry whit)but the general social climate has left me distrurbed. I found myself wanting to stay at home.

When I lived there were all the men so fat? were all the women so annoying? was everything so over priced? was everybody trying to be more sophisticated than they really are? Was it just me having a happy place in my memory that never existed?

I am so confused, I can now not refer to this near annual pilgrimage as returning home. I cannot do that anymore.... I have reached my crossroads & have no tollerance for this place that has changed so much for the worse. News Flash Queenslanders bigger is not always better!!!! The more concrete the more generic & characterless the place is. Farewell Bris-Banal!!!

Watergate Pun Run Its Course

The first time that somebody appended the suffix "gate" to the end of a scandal, it was probably funny. Oh yes, just like Watergate. How very droll.

However, now that we are twelvety zintrillion scandals on from that, the appeal of the joke is right down there with nada. The big bagel. Zilch.

Stop doing it! Now!

Varshitty

What the FUCK is "varsity". Seppos use the word as an explanation as to why they are exceptionally talented at something, or just generally superb.
"Yeah, what the girls really like about me is my physique. I was a varsity athlete."
In addition to this, does "One hundred twenty dollars" equal $120, or does it equal $2000?