Stomp It

All I can say is, thank God for the new genre of tough guy dance movies e.g. Stomp the Yard. As you all know, I am the world's single greatest dancer EVER. Now I can also be recognised as the tough guy that I am as well.

Ditto

I'll never forget the day I discovered ditto as a young tyke*.

You mean, if I just put these two small parallel marks underneath, I don't have to write all that shit again? Fucking colossal!!!

I love ditto. It just keeps on giving. It's like that childless uncle that wants to spoil the crap out of you. I bet if ditto was a person, it would hate cats too. I could sit down and watch sci-fi with ditto. I know it would be into that. It would get me awesome birthday presents, like a huge poster of Walker Texas Ranger. I'm sure it would bring in the chicks too.

Ditto is the best. It wins!

* cool word tyke - rhymes with dyke and kike.

Good Friday mixed grill.

It's Good Friday and this is what I'm having for lunch, and probably dinner. (I won't eat the stupid chips on top, or the pointless rosemary.)

breaking news

Being in another country, I rely on the internet for updates of Australian news such as who has just beaten whose wife etc.. The good folks at ninemsn.com.au try their best to cover all the important stuff, and put it on the equivalent of their front page.
The lead story today is for the benefit of all those not in possession of eyes and/or ears.
Appalling.


Anthony Callea admits he's gay
Monday Mar 26 05:00 AEST
By ninemsn staff
Australian Idol star Anthony Callea has finally put a halt to widespread speculation, revealing that he is indeed a homosexual.
"Yes, I am gay," Callea told the Herald Sun.
"I have no issue with my sexuality now, but it's taken time to become confident with who I am and happy with who I am.

Don't be too happy anthony.

Answer Your Mobile

It is very important to answer your mobile phone. Let me tell you how important. If I am having a conversation with someone, and my mobile phone rings, I will most certainly answer it. That person should just understand that they are less important than the new person who is trying to contact me.

If I was in mid-conversation with William Shatner, I would answer it.
If I was in mid-conversation with the Pope, I would answer it (I would also hand it to him and say "It is for you. It is Lucifer").

I was speaking to the Virgin Mary the other day (she appeared to me in my chamber – it was a miracle), when my mobile rang. Of course I had to take the call, holding up a finger to indicate to Mary to button it.

If I was in mid-conversation with Chuck Norris, I may pause before answering it. But that would be out of self preservation more than anything.

If I was hanging from a cliff by one arm with a love interest holding on for her life to my other arm below me, I would definitely take the call. It would be rude and a cop-out not to.

International pi Day

Today it is international pi day. (Using American date notation - 3.14 of 2007).

To celebrate, anyone who can tell me the formula for the
circumference of a circle will win a half an hour of hand-relief, to
be administered by Bevan McMerkin.

If you can also tell me the formula for the area of a circle, he will
administer the prize wearing nothing but a leopard-skin man-thong.

Best url 2007

http://www.papsmear.qld.gov.au/ - I put forward my vote for this url as "best url of 2007".

Clarkenegger

Look how Rambo is struggling, while Clark just laughs.
She is not even left-handed.
While I was pillaging the net for a photo showing Clark facing the right way and showcasing a bit of her mudflap haircut, I found out that kosher pez is available, if you want it.

The Clark Arm Strength

Corbs has done some excellent research there. Lets see what I am up against:


Note how the geezer is assessing Clark's bicep power. He's obviously heard about her exceptional arm-strength. That look she is giving appears to be friendly, but she is really saying to him under her breath, "Have a good feel boyo, because I could bounce you off that thing." Careful observers will note that another arm-tester (just out of the shot) is checking out the arm-strength of her other arm. He will have to let go soon, as she may well break his fore-arm (both bones). Now consider this:

See the strain on this guy's face as he tests Clark's arm strength. She is effortlessly matching his weak attempts to overcome her, but she is totally dominating the situation. And I daresay, she is considering whether she should do him an injury, just to teach him a lesson.

My Might

I am mighty. I have much might. You may have read somewhere that the pen is mightier than the sword. Well I am mightier than that pen. It is a puny little pen.

I grow more powerful every day. I am so mighty, I bet I could beat Helen Clark in an arm wrestle. I really am awefully powerful.

I just thought I had better let you all know.

Book Lending

I have learnt from experience that when you lend people shit, you only get it back if you ask for it. I actually issued a mate with a list of 10 books which I had lent him over the years. I got 3 of them back.

I now track where my books go and follow up with borrowers after a reasonable time. Lending to my brother is always amusing. The books always end up on his bookshelf. I think I need to define the word lend for him to better understand the concept.

The Devils Advocate (because every arseclown considers himself that) would say that the worth of a book is in its IP, and that once you have read it, it has no further value - so I should happily give away all my books. The Devils Advocate is a pigfucker. And although I find porcine fornication funny on paper, you're never quite the same after coming face-to-face with a bona fide pigfucker.

Old Browneye Face

Has Bert Newton ever possessed any discernible talent? Since I have been aware of his existence, he has done nothing but take nostalgic trips down memory lane into yesteryear, to talk about what other people have done. Ali should have punched his fat face in.

Watermelon Record

There are many Australian traditions, sports etc. which I do not have much time for. Many of them make me cringe. But I heard about one today which is awesome. Queensland man, John Allwood, broke a world record yesterday at the Chinchilla Melon Festival in southern Queensland. He headbutted 40 watermelons in 58 seconds.

Fucking brilliant!!! To John - you sir, are a winner.

banal

If anyone is aware of a more pointless and mundane statement than "have a safe flight", I would like to know what it is?

WeekEnd in Vegas

I have just returned for a weekend to the city I grew up in. This time I found the most distressing. I can deal with the encounters with family that we all endure & sometimes enjoy, the precious little time spent with old friends was great (sorry whit)but the general social climate has left me distrurbed. I found myself wanting to stay at home.

When I lived there were all the men so fat? were all the women so annoying? was everything so over priced? was everybody trying to be more sophisticated than they really are? Was it just me having a happy place in my memory that never existed?

I am so confused, I can now not refer to this near annual pilgrimage as returning home. I cannot do that anymore.... I have reached my crossroads & have no tollerance for this place that has changed so much for the worse. News Flash Queenslanders bigger is not always better!!!! The more concrete the more generic & characterless the place is. Farewell Bris-Banal!!!

Watergate Pun Run Its Course

The first time that somebody appended the suffix "gate" to the end of a scandal, it was probably funny. Oh yes, just like Watergate. How very droll.

However, now that we are twelvety zintrillion scandals on from that, the appeal of the joke is right down there with nada. The big bagel. Zilch.

Stop doing it! Now!

Varshitty

What the FUCK is "varsity". Seppos use the word as an explanation as to why they are exceptionally talented at something, or just generally superb.
"Yeah, what the girls really like about me is my physique. I was a varsity athlete."
In addition to this, does "One hundred twenty dollars" equal $120, or does it equal $2000?

Kylie Minogue Split

Kylie Minogue has split up with her boyfriend. This is how much I care:


For those of you who prefer pie charts:

Whistleblower: Confessions of a Healthcare Hitman

I thought that I would kick things of here at sixesallround with a book review - The Whistleblower: Confessions of a Healthcare Hitman by Peter Rost.

As you have probably guessed from the title, Rost is a whistleblower who spoke up about illegal actions which had been carried out by pharmaceutical companies that he was working for. This book was immensely entertaining. Rost was able to leverage recent Enron-inspired legislation, which affords whistleblowers significant protection from retaliation by their company, to speak out against his own company without getting sacked (well, for a while, anyway). The way he outmanoeuvred both lawyers and top company executives had me chuckling at every turn.

Let's not forget here, that what he was actually doing was also a good thing. The practices that he blew the whistle on were not only illegal, but also morally reprehensible. I have always had a huge problem with the way that the health industry (both medical and pharmaceutical) seem to be far more eager to line their pockets than actually give people the best medical care that they can.

I guess I did not find it surprising that he had his critics. Executive and medical director of the ACSH, Dr Gilbert Ross, voted for Rost for what he considered to be the ignominious title of the biggest “whiny whistleblower” for 2005. Let's just take a moment to examine the kind of man who would even come up with an award that denigrates whistleblowers. Ross has form. He has spent time incarcerated for his role in a scheme which defrauded the New York Medicaid program to the tune of $8 million. A judge once said of him that he was "a highly untrustworthy individual". As you can imagine, Rost was not overly offended by this flaccid attempt to ridicule him.

The Whistleblower comes highly recommended. I like Rost and hope that if I ever find myself in a similar position that I will take on the bastards, rather than being a "good employee".